Resource Center

Expert info, advice, and tips for women on overcoming porn

Porn is not just a guys issue

At Covenant Eyes, we’ve been around long enough to know that porn affects everyone. Men, women, children. Everyone. If you’re a woman struggling with porn, we have one message for you: you are not alone. There are many women just like you who struggle with porn and many more who’ve healed from it. Here you’ll find their stories and other free resources to help you in your healing journey.

Articles

The secret to success against porn is accountability

Words from Nicole Morris, VP of Product at Covenant Eyes

Opening up to someone else about our problems is a scary proposition. We risk their scorn or, worse, their rejection. But it’s only through the connection and support of our closest friends and family that we can attain the strength to overcome. Accountability provides a way of connecting us to each other in meaningful ways. It empowers us to take control over what we do and transition to who we want to become. I’m convinced that accountability is powerful because it cares less about where we’ve been and what we’ve done, and more about what we’ll do and who we want to be.

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Questions & Guidance

  • How do I deal with the isolation of having a porn problem as a woman?

    Feeling alone can be terrifying, but realize that, no matter how isolated you feel, you are not alone. A recent study revealed that 30% of women look at porn regularly. That’s a lot of women. Porn isn’t a male or female problem...it’s a human problem.

    It’s also important to realize that help is out there. The voice of shame tells us that we will never be good enough and that no one will understand our struggle. We fear that if people see who we really are, they will judge and reject us. But many women have often found that, when they do open up about their struggle, they’re surrounded by more support, community, and love than they could have imagined.

    There are many women who’ve struggled with pornography and have successfully defeated it (you can hear some of their stories in the resources provided on this page). Opening up and telling your story to a trusted friend can be one of the most courageous and freeing things you ever do. Take heart and seek help today!

  • Will porn usage have a long-term effect on my life?

    The short answer is yes. A growing body of research reveals that pornography harms our brains, bodies, and relationships. Porn changes the shape of our brains, decreases motivation, inhibits concentration, and increases mental health problems like depression and anxiety. It’s also a consistent contributor to divorce, it inhibits intimacy, facilitates partner violence, and otherwise perpetuates relational breakdown. To summarize, any short-term pleasure that porn may offer is far outweighed by the negative long-term effects on our wellbeing. It’s just not worth it.

  • Why is it so hard to quit using porn?

    Porn is hard to quit because it attacks three main domains of our lives: our biology, our psychology, and our social relationships. Biologically, porn releases a potent cocktail of neurochemicals associated with pleasure, motivation, and emotional connection when we watch it. According to psychiatrist Norman Doidge, the “neurons that fire together, wire together," and research shows that repeated exposure to porn alters our neural pathways rapidly1. Our brains are rewired to crave more porn, and soon we are dependent on the next porn binge.

    Psychologically, porn has one main driver: shame. Shame, the belief that we’re unworthy of love and belonging, can drive us to porn. Porn helps us forget our pain for a moment, but frequent porn use means we seek out more extreme content, and soon we are watching things we used to find repulsive. This downward spiral increases our shame, and the worse we feel about ourselves, the more likely we are to seek out porn. A vicious cycle is created.

    Finally, porn affects our social relationships. Porn isolates us from the relationships that matter most to us. We find ourselves withdrawing from intimacy with our partner, connection with our friends, and even isolating ourselves from coworkers. The more lonely we feel, the more likely we are to seek out porn to forget our isolation, and the cycle continues.

    As powerful as porn is, however, there is hope. Reaching out for help can be one of the most powerful things you do, for it breaks the cycle of shame and isolation and opens the door to healing.

    1Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. New York: Viking.

  • What is Covenant Eyes?

    Covenant Eyes is the most trusted name in Accountability. What is Accountability? It’s a powerful way to help us meet our goals, like quitting porn. Accountability means inviting a trusted friend (we like to call them an ally) into our struggle, and through meaningful conversations, healing the cycle of shame and isolation that keeps us going back to porn.

    Practically speaking, Covenant Eyes monitors your devices and sends your ally a secure, confidential report of your device’s screen activity. When porn is detected by our powerful artificial intelligence algorithm, it’s highlighted in the report. You and your ally then talk about what happened, providing encouragement and support to keep you porn-free.

    Accountability might sound scary at first, but it’s actually the safest and most effective way to overcome porn. Read more about how accountability works here. We’ve been trusted by over a million people to quit porn. Why not you?

  • Won’t using Covenant Eyes expose my problem to others?

    Covenant Eyes takes your privacy very seriously. You have complete control over who you share your accountability report with. Additionally, every screenshot taken of your device’s activity is blurred on your device and sent to our servers via a connection secured with bank-level encryption. No unblurred screenshots are ever sent to us or anyone else. Your Ally will be able to see if you watched porn and get a general idea of your internet activity, but they will never be able to read your emails, examine bank statements, or see any other sensitive data. Your privacy is protected from beginning to end!

Covenant Eyes makes quitting possible.